Before I officially kick off my Study Abroad, I wanted to share some thoughts I had prior to arriving in Costa Rica. Throughout the time I was on the plane, I didn’t feel ready for Study Abroad. AT ALL. To better prep myself, I wrote my heart out for two hours on the plane. I wanted to share some snippets.
Hi there! 11:45pm Pacific time. So the time has finally come for…STUDY ABROAD! It is so interesting the different ways of looking forward to Study Abroad. For me, I’m STUDYING abroad you know, but for example Nicky Starz told me to go as if I’m also on vacation. Makes me think differently. :)
How do I feel right now? I feel better than I was before I left. I’m really excited with the group that I’m traveling with. :) To be honest though, I am really nervous about my emotional health during this semester, as I know elections in itself will be very tough, and to be away from campus trying to focus on enjoying and making the best of Study Abroad will be really tough. It’s so crazy. I really want to chant right now. I’ve never felt so attached to a school before.
…How I feel toward seniors this year is so great. :) These past years since freshman year, I’ve always thought to myself, Wow this senior class is so amazing. Eric Reker is so amazing! Wow, 2010 is so great, Toru is the best district leader! What will SUA be like after they leave? :( But this year, even though 2011 was “my sophomores,” I’ve really come to see them as amazing seniors, too. :) I think these past two months of accepting myself as a junior looking toward senior year and post-SUA life as well as making sure to talk to my seniors before I left, and their amazing 100 Days Celebration really helped me to accept 2011 as “my seniors,” and I truly believe them to be such amazing seniors. :) I told Anri last week (and I’m so glad that I told her) how much she’s come to GLOW. so much! It’s interesting because I am her junior, but throughout the last two and a half years, even I can see a change in her that is so brilliant…like the sun! I am so happy for her. I really consider her as one of my greatest examples of someone living truthfully and with so much sunshine to share. :D
…I am so ablazed with so much appreciation right now. I wish I could tell the world about it! So many people I wish I could talk to. >.< Kawasho and I were talking about how interesting it felt to finally be the ones leaving for SA, whereas we’ve always been the ones seeing others off. :)
I didn’t have much time toward the last couple of weeks, so I couldn’t write my freshies any letters. Today when we left, I was most surprised to see Nicky Spector of all the people!! I was so inspired!! :) I feel so much appreciation. <3 And Rose! My dear Rose Codilla, whose simply honest and talkative being brings me so much joy. :)
Last night when I borrowed Akira’s car to do last-minute errands, I was constantly crying silently — while driving and while walking. When I got back to my room afterwards, I felt restrained not being able to cry full out. I figured there was no one around me, so that was when I just propped myself on my sheets-less mattress and cried my heart out. I then walked over and sat in front of my omamori while reading For Today & Tomorrow. Sensei’s words helped me refocus my energy on what I really needed to focus on especially at such a crucial time. At that moment I heard a knock on my door and thought maybe it was Scott since I was meeting with him at dinner soon. :/ When I looked out the peephole, however, I saw Megu. I’m not sure if I would have so-openly opened the door for someone else. I opened the door because Megu had also been crying about juniors leaving. At the time before my own SA hit me, I couldn’t fully understand why she was crying. It’s great that so many people meant so much, but 1) SA is a school requirement, so you can’t make them not go, and 2) You want everyone to have a good time, right? But now that I was the one uncontrollably crying, I felt like I understood her side. It felt so mystic because I had just been thinking of her before she knocked. :) When I opened the door, she saw me crying, and we both cried a little together. <3
…Especially because of recent events in my life, I know for myself the beauty of my life difficultes that happen for a reason at the right timings. I’m really learning to embrace each one of my hardships as events that happen for a reason.
For example, to this day, I regard the passing of my favorite Mr. Kasahara as such a significant event in my life. despite him never knowing how significant he was to me. But that’s the thing! At the time I learned of his hospitality, I really looked forward to hearing just one more of his final encouragements and watching him pound his chest with a fist and saying to us, “The heart is the most important!” I also realized then how short life could be, and wished I could have thanked him and let him know how big of a fan I was. Exactly I week later, I learned from a friend the news of his passing. I was sad, but now I am glad to have at least attended his memorial in LA, or else I never would have understood really how much he means to my life. That week of his memorial, I really felt my life expanding through talking to Dr. Tomoko Takahashi, Professor Liu, my sister, Kasia, Martin, George, Natalia, Eddie, Anri, and so many more people! Throughout our conversations, I felt like I was able to make a connection with everyone to whom I spoke and I was so happy, so inspired. :) I really felt as though everything going on in my life was TELLING me to run for EC vice president. Mr. Kasahara’s memorial was the peak of this thought, as I vowed then that I would do this for Mr. Kasahara. Despite me being an insignificant being in the SGI and never haven spoken to him personally, I knew he had touched my heart, and he believes in me! I decided then that I was going to run on behalf of Mr. Kasahara. All in all, by the end, I was just so glad to have been able to meet and interact with such an incredible being. <3
love, keiko @ 2:14am California time.
